tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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