I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
