Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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