I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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