Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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