We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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