i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
