Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize