i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
