You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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