Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
