I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
