Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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