Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
