I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
