Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
