the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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