I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
