i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
