You're my little dorito
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
