Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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