I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize