I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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