grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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