If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
