I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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