Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
