Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
