he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
