So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
only you would photoshop your dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
