Capitaan dildo arrescate!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
