OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
