Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
