i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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