stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
