ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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