I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
