he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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