The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
