Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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