she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
