I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
