Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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