You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
