Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
