Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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