theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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