Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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