I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
