you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
