The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
