Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
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No stitches, just platelets and will power
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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