she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
