OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
