guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
