We named our party play list daddy issues
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
