Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
