Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
