so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
