New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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