You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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