this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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