im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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