Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You're like the curious george of whores
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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