Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just invented taco cereal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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