Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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