And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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