ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
