Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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