she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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