ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
