my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
